30DT

This is a little thing called 30 Days of Truth - I probably won't get it done in 30 days, but I'm doing it anyway... and I'm keeping track of all my answers here.

Day 01 - Something you hate about yourself.

I hate that I'm afraid of failure. It's always been a fear of mine... for as long as I can remember. When I was little, I quit taking piano lessons when it got too hard because I didn't want to feel incapable of learning. I quit playing basketball when I was a junior in high school because they wanted to move me up to Varsity, and I was terrified that I would either 1) never get to play or 2) make a fool out of myself in front of the entire school if I did get to play. I quit dancing when I was young, because I had a good memory and all the little girls in my class would watch me and do what I did, and I was afraid I'd let them down during a performance(yes, I could process that at that age, according to my Mom) and I also quit again when I was a senior in high school because I didn't want people to expect me to go to college and try to continue with dancing - even though that's what I wanted. I was good at my studio, but I was afraid I wouldn't be good enough at a college. I never went to college, because I was afraid I'd fail. I don't try to make friends because I'm afraid people won't like me... which is failure in my book. This fear has always held me back from doing things that I've wanted to do... and I hate it.

Day 2 - Something you love about yourself.

I love my determination. Whenever I put my mind to something, I get it done. I'm a perfectionist, which basically goes hand in hand with my determination. I want to be the best. I want people to notice my hard work. It's nice to get complimented, but that's not the driving force - it's a personal thing for me. I'm sure it's got something to do with my answer for Day 1 of being afraid of failing. If I decide to actually try something, it's not an option to fail. And, it's not really an option to just succeed... I want to be freakin' good at it.

Day 3 - Something you have to forgive yourself for.

If I may be vague about this? There is one thing I need to forgive myself for, which I will take with me to my grave. I never think about this "thing" unless encouraged, like this question. I've been carrying it since I was a kid, but it's a Post Secret type of thing. One of those things you never tell anyone, and do everything you can to forget. But I can't forget it, and I most certainly will not forgive myself for it.

 

Day 4 - Something you hope to do in your life.
I just want to make a difference. I have a bigger heart than I know what to do with. I'm the sap that cries during movies, that boohoos during commercials, that gets choked up at good lyrics...


I want to save every animal I see, I want to adopt every baby I can, I want to save the world. I don't have the room, the funds, or the ability to do any of those things... but if I could - I'd have a house full of rescue dogs, a bus full of impoverished children, and I'd fix everyone's problems.

I don't care what people think about me... as long as I have a positive impact on lives, whether human or canine. Even if I only change one life, maybe it will inspire them to change someone else's. As far as dogs go... well, animals in general... abuse needs to stop, and I would do just about anything to help put an end to it.


Day 5 - Something you hope you never have to do.
Instead of listing all of the extremely depressing things that I am absolutely going to have to do in my lifetime even though I don't want to... I'm going to list something that is always a possibility, but I hope is never a reality.

I hope I never have to get a divorce. I know how terrible that sounds... but just... hear me out. My parents got divorced after 29 years of marriage; a marriage that I thought was sturdy my entire life. During the last 6 years, and after many discussions, I have come to the conclusion that they were pretty much miserable from the beginning.

Ryan and I are really close - the best of friends. We work hard to stay in harmony with each other. We talk about everything, we keep no secrets, we spend a lot of time kissing, we have too much fun, we keep the passion alive, we laugh a lot, we run around the house naked, we discuss our future, we're on the same page, and when we aren't we make sure to get back to it real quick. There is no one else on the entire earth that I would rather spend my days with. I love this man so much. He is literally the reason I am even breathing air at this very moment... literally, guys.

I hope we never lose sight of what is important. I hope we spend the rest of our lives learning from our experiences as a couple and growing from them. I hope our love multiplies every single day. I hope we never get discouraged or feel defeated. I hope we never let anything get too big to conquer. So, what I really hope I never have to do is make our kids feel that forever doesn't exist... because it does, and we intend to prove it.

Still to come...

Day 06 - Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Day 07 - Someone who made your life hard, or treated you like crap.

Day 08 - Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Day 9 - Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Day 10 - Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Day 11 - Something you never get compliments on.

Day 12 - A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)

Day 13 - A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Day 14 - Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

Day 15 - Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Day 16 - A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Day 17 - Your views on gay marriage.

Day 18 - What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Day 19 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 20 - (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Day 21 - Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Day 22 - Something you wish you had done in your life.

Day 23 - Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Day 24 - The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Day 25 - Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Day 26 - What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Day 27 - What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Day 28 - Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Day 29 - A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself