welcome home.

So, it's only been 3 months since I've blogged. No biggie.

I said in my last post that we moved home... and, it's been everything I thought it would be. The same. Same people. Same problems. Same everything. I feel so, caged here. And yet, this is where I want to be... at least for now. At least for a while. I just hate the feeling of knowing so many people. I never thought I'd be someone who moved away from home... but being away from home was freeing, and this... this is all the same. So one day, I will move away again. I don't know when or where, but I'm excited for that day nonetheless.

My dad is doing well, I'm happy to report. He's working on selling my childhood home, which I feel like poop about. I always hope it would stay in the family so I could have it one day, but things happen... and it just wasn't meant to be.

I'm in the process of trying to find job. I was lucky to not have to "work" in Georgia, but Florida isn't treating us the same. Besides, I'm rather ready to find a job because it would be nice to have some extra spending money, and saving money, and well... money money. No luck yet. Thought something was going to work out, but it doesn't appear to be after all, so I am back at square one. Hopefully something comes this way fast, otherwise you're going to find me on the side of the street begging...

Welcome home. Haha.

life happens.

On October 24th, I woke up and found my dad unconcious on the hotel room floor. He spent 2 weeks in the hospital recovering from multiple strokes before he was able to go home. While I was spending time with him... our house was broken into, and our computer, tv, xbox, etc. were all taken. That's why I haven't been blogging... it really is just one thing after another anymore.

And, with everything that has happened... Ryan and I decided to move back home. Just got home this weekend and we're moving all of our stuff in. I'm at my Mom's on the computer right now.

Life is a mess, but it's beautiful anyway.

I'll be back soon.

30DTD5.

Day 6 - Something you hope you never have to do.

Instead of listing all of the extremely depressing things that I am absolutely going to have to do in my lifetime even though I don't want to... I'm going to list something that is always a "possibility", but I hope is never a reality.

I hope I never have to get a divorce. I know how terrible that sounds... but just... hear me out. My parents got divorced after 29 years of marriage; a marriage that I thought was sturdy my entire life. During the last 6 years, and after many discussions, I have come to the conclusion that they were pretty much miserable from the beginning.

Ryan and I are really close - the best of friends. We work hard to stay in harmony with each other. We talk about everything, we keep no secrets, we spend a lot of time kissing, we have too much fun, we keep the passion alive, we laugh a lot, we discuss our future, we're on the same page, and when we aren't we make sure to get back to it real quick. There is no one else on the entire earth that I would rather spend my days with. I love this man so much. He is literally the reason I am even breathing air at this very moment... literally, guys.

I hope we never lose sight of what is important. I hope we spend the rest of our lives learning from our experiences as a couple and growing from them. I hope our love multiplies every single day. I hope we never get discouraged or feel defeated. I hope we never let anything get too big to conquer. So, what I really hope I never have to do is make our kids feel that forever doesn't exist... because it does, and we intend to prove it.

baking, mom, & fishing. eclectic.

So... I've been baking a lot. I've almost considered creating my own baking blog so that this one doesn't transform. We'll see... for now, I'll still post on here. I recently made some killer lemon coconut bars with a graham cracker crust and dusted confectioner's sugar on top. When they're gone, I'm going to attempt pumpkin whoopie pies with cinnamon cream cheese frosting. I've always liked being in the kitchen, but cooking hasn't ever really been my thing - I think baking is... I love it.

My momma is coming to visit this week. She's driving up on Wednesday. I am so excited to see her. I don't think my house has ever been cleaner. I've been trying to get everything perfect - I want her to see how well we're doing. I know she worries about us sometimes, being so young and in a city where we have no family and no friends. I hope spending some time with us will ease her fears. Gotta love moms - they have the biggest hearts in the world.

She's leaving Saturday, but she's taking me with her, at least until the Fla/Ga line. I got offered the trip of a lifetime. My grandaddy booked a charter boat for an 8hr trip on Sunday. Growing up, fishing was our family thing. My grandparents had a summer house about 3 hours north of our hometown. We'd spend at least a week there every summer. We'd bring home what we caught, clean it, fry it up with some grits and hush puppies and wash it all down with some sweet iced tea. Those were the days... and I'm looking forward to reliving them, if only for 1 day.

30DTD4.

Day 5 - Something you hope to do in your life.

I just want to make a difference. I have a bigger heart than I know what to do with. I'm the sap that cries during movies, that boohoos during commercials, that gets choked up at good lyrics...

I want to save every animal I see, I want to adopt every baby I can, I want to save the world. I don't have the room, the funds, or the ability to do any of those things... but if I could - I'd have a house full of rescue dogs, a bus full of impoverished children, and I'd fix everyone's problems.

I don't care what people think about me... as long as I have a positive impact on lives, whether human or canine. Even if I only change one life, maybe it will inspire them to change someone else's. As far as dogs go... well, animals in general... abuse needs to stop, and I would do just about anything to help put an end to it.

(PS - Answers for days 1-5 as well as the rest of the questions are on the 30DT link to the right)

guess i'm feeling the love today!

I love when it's my turn to flip the lights off and jump in bed; his arms are always reached out to grab me and bring me close so I can warm up fast.

I love when my dog chooses to cuddle with me instead of Ryan... I feel like for just a second, I've won him over... but I haven't. I never will.

I love cheese and crackers. If I had no self control, I could eat an entire block of cheese... not in one day, but in a single sitting.

I love watching the evening sun fade through the trees - the birds start chirping, the air gets cool, and in those moment I am so freakin' happy.

I love curling up with a blanket in my pajamas, with a hot cup of cocoa in my hands and my family, both human and animal all crammed onto the couch.

I love Sunday morning cinnamon and brown sugar pancakes. It's a tradition we've promised to always have - good thing they're so delicious.

I love fall; all the smells and colors and cooking ingredients that are associated with this time of year. I've been putting cinnamon in everything... yum.

I love that my mom is coming to visit in 9 days. I haven't see her since July 31st. I am beyond excited!

I love Ben and Jerry's scoop shop only Coffee ice cream. As a matter of fact... I think I'll head downtown right now and go get some...

peanut butter chocolate chunk brownies.

I've decided I rather like baking.

It's not going to do much for my scale -

but, I'm way more worried about my soul anyway. (;

These are the best brownies I've ever had, seriously.

I'll never do boxed brownies again.

They're good room temp, cold, or warm with a glass of milk.

I'm probably going to make them again as soon as this batch is gone!

(please excuse my poor camera skills and thumb prints!)

Ingredients

1 cup of all purpose flour

1/4 cup of semisweet chocolate chunks*

1/4 tsp of baking soda

1/8 tsp of salt

3/4 cup of granulated sugar

1/4 cup of packed light brown sugar

1 tsp of cocoa powder

1/2 cup of creamy peanut butter

1 tbsp of vegetable oil

1 tsp of vanilla extract

2 large eggs

Directions

Preheat oven to 350degrees.

Coat the bottom of an 8 inch pan with cooking spray.

Combine flour, chocolate chunks, baking soda and salt in a bowl.

Combine sugars and remaining ingredients in a separate bowl until well blended.

Add the flour mixture, stirring just until blended.

Spread batter into prepared pan.

Bake for 20-25 minutes until toothpick comes out almost clean.

Makes about 9 good sized brownies.

*I used 1/2 cup of chocolate chunks, but it took away from the peanut butter a little, and we really like peanut butter.

I hope you enjoy these... we most certainly have!

part-time workin' woman.

I got a job, y'all. We recently decided that I was going to have to get a part time job at least, because the payments on his school loans start in the next few months. Not really excited about tossing out an extra $200 a month, but that's life.

After a rather pitiful morning at his shop due to less than reliable employees, he spoke to the manager who agreed to give me a 30 day trial. I get to work part time - I can go in any day I want, as many times a week as I want. And, I get to work with my man... I'm not sure if it gets better than that.

I'm a little nervous, and rather intimidated. I'm walking into a business that I know absolutely nothing about. I'm going to be in an environment that I'm completely unfamiliar with. But, I'm jumping in with both feet - because the extra cash would be really nice. And, it'll be great practice for me because Ryan is determined to have our own similar business as soon we can and I'd do anything to make his dreams come true.

Oh, and I start tomorrow. Wish me luck!

ranting about renting.

I hate renting. I wish I loved it... because Ryan and I aren't close to having kids, and we want to move around a lot until we find a place we love. We want to find a place we can't imagine not living in. We haven't found it yet, and it certainly isn't Athens. But, this isn't a post about that... it's a post about renting, and how much I hate it - so let's get back to that.

My garbage disposal quit working on Sunday morning. I got online immediately and sent an email to my Realtor. On Tuesday afternoon, I got a phone call from a different Realtor letting me know that she found someone "willing" to work on the garbage disposal and they would be coming sometime after lunch on Wednesday, but she didn't know what time. She also mentioned that she'd be coming too, so she could take pictures of the kitchen and the bathrooms for the insurance company.

Really? Aren't Realtors supposed to have paid handymen, period? Not one who picks and chooses what he wants to work on and when? If the garbage disposal in your house was backed up and stinking up the kitchen, you'd want someone to come work on it ASAP buddy, which also leads me to complain that I didn't get a response until Tuesday, and they're not coming until today. And, they can't give me a time?! That's 3 days of a progressively stinkier kitchen. I also find it rather odd that they need pictures of the house 2 months after I've moved in for insurance reasons. Shouldn't that have been handled before we signed a lease?

Either way... I'm just ready for them to get here and get gone so I can put my pajamas back on!

30DTD3.

Day 3 - Something you have to forgive yourself for.

If I may be vague about this? There is one thing I need to forgive myself for, which I will take with me to my grave. I never think about this "thing" unless encouraged, like this question. I've been carrying it since I was a kid, but it's a Post Secret type of thing. One of those things you never tell anyone, and do everything you can to forget. But I can't forget it, and I most certainly will not forgive myself for it.

(PS - Answers for Day 1 - 3 as well as the rest of the questions are on the 30DT link to the right)

pumpkin chocolate chip cookies.

I've had a hunkering for anything pumpkin for the last week

but I kept forgetting to look for Libby's when we were at the grocery store

because Florida had a shortage, and there was none for Thanksgiving last year,

so I just assumed Georgia would have the same problem. I was wrong... thankfully.

So, last night Ryan ran to Publix and picked up some things

and we baked Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies.

I looked up too many recipes online and then made my own

by throwing bits and pieces of all the recipes together to fit my tastebuds.

They turned out delicious... I've uh... already eaten 5.

And the best part is you'll most likely have half of the ingredients in your house.

Ingredients

1 cup of canned pumpkin

1/2 cup of vegetable oil

1 egg

1 cup of white sugar

1 cup of light brown sugar

2 cups of all purpose flour

2 tsp on baking powder

1/2 tsp of salt

2 tsp of cinnamon

1/4 tsp of nutmeg

1tsp baking soda

1 tsp of milk

1 tsp of vanilla

2 cups of chocolate chips

(I used milk chocolate, most recipes call for semi-sweet)

Directions

Combine pumpkin, white sugar, light brown sugar, oil and egg in a bowl and mix well.

In a separate bowl mix flour, baking powder, cinnamon, nutmeg, and salt.

Dissolve baking soda with milk and stir it into flour mixture.

Add the mixtures together until mixed thoroughly.

Add the vanilla and chocolate chips,

drop spoonfuls on a cookie sheet and bake at 350degrees for about 10/15 minutes.

(My first batch took about 25 minutes because I made them too big,

so if you like big cookies, bake for longer!)

They're very moist and a little like cake in texture,

and go really well with coffee if that's your thing!

30DTD2.

Day 2 - Something you love about yourself.


I love my determination. Whenever I put my mind to something, I get it done. I'm a perfectionist, which basically goes hand in hand with my determination. I want to be the best. I want people to notice my hard work. It's nice to get complimented, but that's not the driving force - it's a personal thing for me. I'm sure it's got something to do with my answer for Day 1 of being afraid of failing. If I decide to actually try something, it's not an option to fail. And, it's not really an option to just succeed... I want to be freakin' good at it.

(PS - the rest of the questions are on the 30DT link to the right)

life is either a great adventure, or nothing.

Ryan found out about the job here in Athens back in June.

He was pretty determined, so we packed up on July 4th weekend,

thew the dog in the backseat and drove 7 hours for him to have an interview.

He'd never been to Georgia before,

so we found an Ingles and got him the quintessential southern meal.

They let us stay in a trailer with animal hair all over the sheets, bugs in the windows,

wasps outside the door, and an A/C that didn't adjust very well and kept us shivering all night, all in a teeny tiny town with nothing more than a dollar store, a gas station,

and a grocery store that looked like it was straight out of a horror movie.

I kept trying to see the adventure in it all - and even though I can laugh at it now,

I cried a lot while it was happening. Boohoo.

I took this picture after he told me we could stay in a hotel.

I think that was the fastest I've ever gotten ready... 5 minutes, tops.

So, as much as we appreciated their kindness and free night,

it goes without saying that we did stay in a hotel the next night.

We spent most of the day sitting in bed watching TV

and only ventured out to get some high class subway.

We drove up 2 weeks later to figure out the whole house thing.

We moved up 2 weeks later.

(Yes, we drove to Georgia 3 times in one month)

And, the rest is history!

30DTD1.

On 20SB, I saw someone mention "30 Days of Truth." I'd never heard of it and it sounded interesting so I Googled it. After reading about it - I decided I wanted to do it because it's a good way to get to know yourself. I know how lame that sounds, trust me... but I avoid things, intensely. If I wanted to, I could go through an entire day without having one serious thought... and some of these questions are pretty serious, so I think this is going to be good for me.

Day 01 - Something you hate about yourself.

First... I'm going to state how odd I think it is that this is the very first question. Depressing.

I hate that I'm afraid of failure. It's always been a fear of mine... for as long as I can remember. When I was little, I quit taking piano lessons when it got too hard because I didn't want to feel incapable of learning. I quit playing basketball when I was a junior in high school because they wanted to move me up to Varsity, and I was terrified that I would either 1) never get to play or 2) make a fool out of myself in front of the entire school if I did get to play. I quit dancing when I was young, because I had a good memory and all the little girls in my class would watch me and do what I did, and I was afraid I'd let them down during a performance(yes, I could process that at that age) and I also quit again when I was a senior in high school because I didn't want people to expect me to go to college and try to continue with dancing - even though that's what I wanted. I was good at my studio, but I was afraid I wouldn't be good enough at a college. I never went to college, because I was afraid I'd fail. I don't try to make friends because I'm afraid people won't like me... which is failure in my book. This fear has always held me back from doing things that I've wanted to do... and I hate it.

(PS - the rest of the questions are on the 30DT link to the right)

it's time to grow the up.

Since we moved, I've felt like a completely different person. A person I don't even know. Back home, I was home. I knew too many people because it's where I grew up. I knew all the back roads to get places so I could stay off the highway. I worked jobs that I was good at, and I was comfortable because there was always someone there that I knew.

Then we got here and I realized that I had been hiding behind comfort for far too long. This place scares me. There is no one here that I know. I haven't driven a car since at least July 31st. I'm not a big fan of traffic, and there is plenty of it here to persuade me into the passenger seat. I don't have a job because I'm blessed enough to not have to, but lately I've been wondering how happy I am being only a housewife.

The other night, we laid in bed and he let me "cry it out" until 6am. At the time, I felt like I had lost my identity and the only identity I had here was "Ryan's wife." But the more I've thought about it since, I realized that I never really had an identity. If you asked anyone who has ever known me what defines me, I can assure you that they wouldn't be able to answer the question. The best they could come up with would be Ryan and honestly, that doesn't bother me, because to know that people think of my husband when they think of me makes me feel like I'm doing right in my marriage.

But I want something else. I want a hobby. I want a passion. I want something that is mine. For the first time in my life, I have the opportunity to do anything I want, and I've spent the last 2 months sitting inside my house cooking, and cleaning, watching tv shows, and ultimately hiding from my fear of getting to know new people, and my fear of failure. I think I needed that time to myself and I'm thankful for it, but now it's time to put my big girl panties on and get out there and do something with my free time. Something I enjoy. Something I love.

Now, where the heck do I start?!